Single but not lonely
Single women are waiting longer before getting married. Researchers feel that part of the reasoning behind this is because attitudes in mainstream society about singles have changed. At the dawn of the 20th century, a woman past 20 was thought to have less of a chance of finding a mate. By the time a woman gets to the age of 30, she was considered to be one who needed sympathy and was to be pitied. Such persons suffered much ridicule and were only tolerated.
On the other hand, the single male in the same age range was considered to be desirable and extremely eligible. The picture of a happy bachelor was joyfully accepted by society. The single woman was not. Today, the perception has changed. More women are embracing their singleness by feeling proud and satisfied that they are single. Some feel that to get married is a set back. Employees sometimes feel that marriage takes away from the level of loyalty that they would like to devote to the job market. Some employers feel that marriage takes away from the energy of the employees, especially when they are experiencing bad relationships. Some persons feel that the troubles of a relationship influence productivity and organizational growth.
There are single women who feel that they can go home, throw the keys down, kick their shoes off, go to bed or watch television. They can eat sandwiches instead of cooking. There is more space and they can wash one load of clothes. They can go out with their friends and there will be no drama at home because of the time that they return, or if they feel like returning.
Most women, however, find that when they want to go out with someone, they find it to be a hassle, which might create moments of regret.
Many single men sometimes feel that it is freedom not to be committed to anyone. This allows a free-lance attitude which brings them solace that they have freedom of movement. There are no borders which are controlled by the dictates of a spouse. For both male and female, singleness has attached to it tremendous advantages for themselves, families and society. Whether they are single because of separation, divorce or choice, they should enjoy life to the fullest. They have the option of creating a life-style that brings them satisfaction in the pleasures and contributions that they make to society.
Modern technology has made provision for catering to the social needs of single persons who are seeking friendship or just social interactions. This is effective through well-developed communication networks. The social interactions of singles are important since there is the need for friendship, a sense of belonging and opportunities for connecting with other persons experiences, needs and coping techniques. Singles, irrespective of the independent attitude that they might display, need acceptance and want to feel important. They delight in keeping abreast with modern information systems and are anxious to know how they can enhance their quality of life.
Added excitement and interests are developed as they share private messages, exchange pictures, current issues, and up-date on pressing international concerns. Such communication networksystems have taken some of the stings out of negative feelings of rejection. Not that most singles feel rejected, but insensitive people sometimes intentionally make singles feel rejected and that they are lacking in some vital social skills.
Prejudice and discrimination should find no place in the ways that singles are perceived, for they undoubtedly live a full and satisfied life, especially if their singleness is a deliberate choice. Network systems allow many singles to be alone, but not lonely, since they can inter-relate to dozens of persons around the world, knowing a lot about them, without knowing them in person.”This incognito concept creates a fluid system of communication, which allows singles to cut off communication easily, or change their top listing of friendship without any apology.”(Derick Knoke)For some singles”fluid relationships”fill the void for real relationships, while for others the internet system is just a coping mechanism for loneliness.
Singles sometimes search for identity and friendship, as they seek to know how they fit into the puzzle of life. When this is understood and accepted, their inner world will be reaffirmed, characterized and will assist in helping them to leave a legacy. Single persons should:
1. Know who they are and set their values even if they are opposed.
2. Confirm their identity and avoid the social standards that society sets for them.
3. Chose friendship that will reinforce and heighten their image.
4. Create a stable meaning for their lives.
5. Decide on what they want and when they want it.
6. Avoid persons who wish to manipulate their finances out of the feeling that they do not have much use for money. They do not have expenses, perhaps no children, therefore, they can answer every financial demand and in large amounts.
7. Utilize their talents generously for assisting humanity.
8. Move from dependence to independence in all of their relationships.
9. Never complain or explain their singleness.
10. Be proud to join the hundreds of singles in every generation who have made positive differences in the world.
Singleness can be a sweet and responsible opportunity, a dear balm and happy calm. Bring out the best in you.
Pansy Hamilton Brown
P O Box N-10152