Verbal communication among couples
“Kind words are the bright flowers of earthly existence. They are jewels beyond price, and powerful to heal the wounded heart and make the weighed down spirit glad.”
The tongue is like a fire filled with wickedness. It can destroy our family values or create feuds that can never end. As the magnitude of the social ills that the tongue and our words cause are contemplated, it becomes worthwhile to give considerations of what we say, the intentions as we speak and how we express ourselves. Our words can give hope to those who are faint in spirit and gladness to those filled with sorrow.
“Words are like sped arrows.”After they are shot they do not return. Even though we make sincere apology for wrong verbal usage, the damage is already done. It is important therefore, that we think before we speak”Weigh every word before you let it fall.”It has been calculated that 55 percent of our communication is in nonverbal messages. Thirty-eight percent is reflected in the tone of our voices, while seven percent is attributed to the words that are spoken. The spoken words are the root cause of conflict in the home, workplace, community and in national and international issues. Our words are expressions of our feelings. Therefore, the mind must be educated with pure thoughts, considerations for the feelings of family members and especially our spouses. In many instances our sentiments are misunderstood because of the inappropriate words and the tone of our voices.
The ability to speak is an invaluable gift, and should be guarded with gratitude. Our communication process should be clear as we answer to the dynamics of vocal variety, pitch and flexibility of the voice. As we interrelate, our communication should be painted with the hallmark of respect and sincerity. Many persons become confused as we communicate because we sometimes give mixed messages by making double statements. This allows the receiver of the message to become confused and may even encourage individuals to arrive at conclusions that were not intended.”I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I mean.”Confusing statements like this lend to controversy as they are contradictory to what is intended to be conveyed.
Most couples appreciate when we take a firm stand when issues are involved in our family communication.”To sit on the fence”is an attitude that makes couples doubt the integrity and sincerity of each other because the avenue is open for falling on any side of the argument. Arrogance and questionable demeanor are not necessary to be utilized in order to establish our feelings or preferences. Let us avoid”blind spots”when we speak, as we communicate with love and understanding. We are sometimes challenged to become very analytical when we communicate, for there is an art to flatter and abuse while giving a smile in commendations that are far from the heart.
We are sometimes guilty of bouncing around our anger, and use words that are damaging and discriminating to crush the self-esteem of others while our ego dominates. We must be resolute to sustain balance and control over our hasty conduct, ineffective communication, and expressions of doubt, fear and condemnation, which will lend to instability in the family.
May the invaluable gift of speech and the storehouse of words that we have in our command be used to build harmony, foster good-will and deepen relationships among families. Anyone that does not offend in words is classified as being a perfect person. Our aspiration should be to improve our communication skills as we endeavor to make our homes exemplary to the community. Resolve to hinder the disappointments, hurt and life-long scars. It is only when our eyes and our thoughts feed on the things that are lovely, just and true, will our tongues be the recipient of peace, joy and love in our family circles.
nDr. Pansy Hamilton Brown
Certified Family Life Educator
P O Box 10152