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Five signs you may be emotionally unintelligent

Being emotionally intelligent is one of the most important skills a professional can hone to add ease to achieving success in career and business. It is the ability to recognize and manage your emotions as well as the emotions of others. Here are five indications that you may need to increase your emotional intelligence.


You lash out and attack others when things don’t go right, or when you are in a bad mood everyone knows it and feels your wrath. Self-control is one of the first things people should be taught as children. As a matter of fact, that is one of the obvious differences between a baby and an adult. When children are tired, hungry, mad or disappointed, they scream, cry, say mean things and throw tantrums. Unfortunately, we see similar behavior exhibited in the workplace and it is a clear sign of a lack of self-control.

If this sounds like you, taking the time to journal about your feelings and examining where these emotions are coming from may help you to better manage them.


You often compare yourself to others and feel threatened, jealous or conceited.

As expressed in Max Ehrmann’s “Desiderata”, “If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater or lesser persons than yourself.”

To possess emotional intelligence is to know your strengths and your weaknesses. This is what helps us to be confident and humble at the same time. It is only when people lose sight of who they are do they feel threatened by another’s genius. This may present as jealousy or arrogance; both are rooted in insecurity and lack of self-awareness.

If this is you, write down all the areas where you shine. Notice where you are gifted. Clearly, you have only been focusing on where you lack. Everyone has been endowed with something; no one is gifted with everything and that’s OK. No gift is more important than another. Love yourself.


You get agitated with people who don’t think like you.

Empathy is a characteristic of emotional intelligence. It is the ability to see through another’s eyes. If your personality was like your adversary’s and you grew up the way they did and your life experiences were the same as theirs, you would think the same way they do. When we take the time to understand others, we stand a better chance of influencing them to our way of thinking. When we judge; we build a wall.

If you lack empathy, seek first to understand before you try to be understood (Dale Carnegie).


People misunderstand you or you have lots of “haters”.

The ability to forge good relationships is a sign of highly developed emotional intelligence. If everywhere you go, the way others respond to you is the same, who is the common denominator? It is easy to place the blame on others and assume they have the problem.

If you can admit to yourself that maybe the response you are receiving is related to what you are emanating, you just became more emotionally intelligent.


You get stopped in your tracks when obstacles show up on your path.

The ability to stay self-motivated in difficult times is a sign of highly developed emotional intelligence. When you hear the stories of people who have achieved greatness, you find they all had to overcome something that could have easily derailed them.

To stay motivated, read the stories of those you admire or log on to YouTube to find speakers and audiobooks to inspire you. You are solely responsible for your motivation.


• Kim Welcome is the CEO of Influential Voice, a communication trainer and coach; she assists businesses and professionals to achieve their goals by helping them to develop deliberate, skillful, polished communication skills. Contact: or call 242-225-9013.


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