32 secrets for a spicy marriage
Today, I thought I would share what I discovered healthy couples do to keep the spark in their marriage. I call this “Brennen’s 32 Secrets for a Spicy Marriage”.
Here is how to measure how spicy is your marriage. Beside each statement, write “D” if you are doing it regularly, “O” if you are doing it once-in-a-while, “N” if you have never done it, and at the end, total the scores.
Here’s how to interpret your scores: 25 or more “Ds” indicate a healthy marriage with little or no repair needed; 24 to 15 “Ds” indicate a somewhat healthy marriage with some repair needed; 14 to one “Ds” indicate an unhealthy marriage with much repair needed; 25 or more “Ns” indicate the marriage is in trouble – get help; 25 or more “Os” indicate the marriage has too many weak links and vulnerable to failure. Go ahead and have fun.
• You feel safe to share your joys with your spouse (happy feelings, events).
• You feel safe to share your tears with your spouse (painful feelings, events).
• You are comfortable saying positive things about your spouse with close friends or relatives.
• You have an irresistible attitude – not cranky, critical, harsh.
• You make love at least once a week (not just have sex).
• You sleep together always or go to bed the same time at least three times a week.
• You shower together occasionally.
• You both hug each other first thing every morning for about 20 seconds while standing on your feet.
• You sleep naked one night every year without having sex.
• You kiss passionately every day for about 10 seconds.
• You listen to each other. You listen with your heart and not just your ears.
• You have a non-judgmental attitude. (Do not accuse your partner of doing something you cannot prove).
• You dance together privately while holding each other closely.
• You know each other’s needs and learn how to meet them.
• You pray together (if both are Christians).
• You play together. You have fun time and romantic times together.
• You never assume you know what you partner is saying or thinking.
• You take time to clarify what is being said before it is discussed.
• You do not put words in your partner’s mouth.
• You take vacations together for at least two weeks each year.
• You have a weekly date night (at home or out of the home).
• You know that you are not the boss of your partner (he/she is an adult).
• You eat together at least three times a week.
• You affirm each other every day with encouraging and sweet words.
• You understand the true meaning of intimacy. (Having lots of touching and doing things without sex on the agenda.)
• You understand the power of great sex.
• You know that love isn’t enough. (Good communication and conflict resolution skills, etc., are needed.)
• You have a couple financial plan. (Have one couple/family budget with both of our income.)
• You have a couple mission statement similar to those found in businesses that is displayed on a significant wall in the house for all to see.
• You know and understand your spouse’s needs and know how to meet them.
• You know and understand your spouse’s love language.
• You are humble – willing to change, share power, listen to your partner, say you’re sorry and admit wrong.